Dear xxx

Dear xxx,

Sudah la tu.

#shortsweetstory

Man up. You're not alone.

if u take chances,you're gonna find what's for you out there...
and, sometimes, the wrong choices is the right choices,
we never knew that, so,man up.
just try, just choose any,
and man up.

Every path that you choose,whether it's right or wrong, it depends on the actions that you makes after taking on that choices,

You still gonna do the best, makes the best out of it, am i right?

Like seriously, it's hard to make a choice. Thinking bout where it will take you, what possibly gonna happen, thinking bout all possible scary future stuff.

Because... well... it's bout your future eyy, nobody wants to live in regret. Thus making this scaredy creature rot in... insecurities i would say. Heh.

But then, whatever it is, comes rain or thunder or flowers, or bubbly soap, its all coming in with the good and bad side of it.

Whats there to afraid of? You're not alone. Bad things makes you stronger, good things makes you happier.

There's other things too,but nahhh...
Man up, have courage,
you're not alone in this journey.
Promise.

.. buat entah keberapa kali...

pagi yang mulanya seperti hari-hari biasa yang lain,

bangun, solat, makan, salam, start enjin keta dan vroomm.

Tiba di satu persimpangan, ternampak ambulan di tepi jalan. Terlambat sikit sampai ke persimpangan tu, mangsa dah dibawa masuk ke dalam van ambulans. Ternampak kaki mangsa di hujung trolley.

"....kerol...."

Buat entah keberapa kali, memori-memori mencanak keluar menyerang diri. Air mata pun merambu keluar, berkaca pandangan mata.

"...dia tak sakit kan kita nangis teringat ni?..."

InsyaAllah tak..kita tak merintih teriak nak dia kembali kan?tak persoalkan kenapa cepat sangat dia pergi kan?... nangis sebab tak dapat jumpa dah di dunia ni, nangis sebab tak dapat dengar dah gelak unik dia, ahhh,, tak pa kan teringat,,

"..ko teringat dia, ko bacakan AlFatihah sekali.."

ya3, tak lupa untuk doakan dia setiap kali teringat. Heee, kerol,kita apa ha? kawan sebelah meja dalam lab, kawan kelas, kau ketua gajah kami.. haha, specialnya kau. Persahabatan yang sekejap ni, rahmat Allah untuk kau, untuk kami.

"..untung dia, ramai kawan doakan bila teringat. Baiknye semua kawan kamu tu.."

ahh, dan dia pun kawan yang baik. Eihh. Dia memanh baik eh.

Memori.. yang datangnya beserta air mata, heh.

Teringat saat min datang. Peluk min, air mata yang sebelum tu baru ja kering, keluar membasahkan pipi balik.

Teringat saat pakcik kerol datang ke arah kami-kami yang duduk menunggu di kerusi. "Kerol dah tak da ya.." ahh,,yang tu kot yang disebutnya. Seorang tertunduk, seorang lagi terdiam, seorang lagi memeluk kawan sebelah, ah, bermacam-macam ekspresi wajah, Innalillah diucapkan, hati cuba ditenangkan, raut muka cuba dikawal, air mata cuba ditahan. Ada yang luarannya tenang, ada juga yang kalah memendam perasaan.

Teringat saat berjalan ke arah lif, konon nak tenangkan diri, jari cepat2 mendail nombor huda. Panggilan disambut. "hudaaaaaaaaaaaa.......kerol......".

Teringat saat dipanggil masuk ke dalam wad, melihat sekujur tubuh yang tenang mukanya. "Weh.. dia macam tido.. dia tido.."

Teringat saat terbayang cii keseorangan menerima berita pemergian ni di hujung sana. Kami sini menangis berteman, sedu kami berjemaah, heh. Oh, encik boss nya memahami, thanks encik boss.

Teringat saat terakhir di masjid,.......weh..ko macam tido je... saat yang sekali lagi memberitahu bahawa ini pertemuan kita yang terakhir di bumi ini.

Teringat memori lalu,, yes, aku terima ko dah tiada di bumi ni. yes, aku terima. Tapi mungkin memori ni akan sentiasa datang lagi. Kerol, kami mendoakan mu.

Untuk hari ni, secebis memori ja yang datang menyinggah. Memori lain? ahhh... mungkin esok, mungkin lusa. Secebis memori yang menyedarkan hidup di bumi bukan selamanya. Segalanya pinjaman dari Allah, hadiah dari Allah. Untuk yang meminjam,bersyukur kerana diberi peluang merasai perasaan kasih sayang antara rakan, merasai bahagia bersahabat, merasai tak puas hatinya diejek, heh. Tiba masanya, yang dipinjam wajib dipulangkan kembali kan..

Hari ni orang lain, esok lusa,masa kita. Dah ready untuk kembali? Dah cukup amal ibadah untuk ditimbang?......

creating the new you.

life isn't about finding yourself, but creating yourself 

heih, after all theseee enormous secondsssssss, i've been creating a child. kakaka

A childish mind.

A scaredy cat.

My previous life is about finding myself, and its hard. How do you find yourself? what else to be find when,,well, you... are you. Looking back, I've been surrounded by gorgeous heart with beautiful smart minds, well, that's what i call friends. Trying to be like them, follow what seems to be a positive attitude, a positive attributes, but won't it makes me copying others? I'm trying to find me, the real me, not the plagiarize me. 

ahh, for a dramatic me, finding myself is hard. It's wayyy harder than choosing to sleep or to eat

yup, sleepy but hungry, but lets eat, but hungry, but too tired to find food, but, hungry, but wanna sleep. yup, its quite hard for silly me.

Capital fm, or Lite fm,,, ah cant remember. they said it. creating yourself.

ahhh~ that phrase explains everything. Lets create you. The gorgeous you, the awesome inner and outer you.

Just a simple things that had corrupted my mind. Well, I've got time. Lets create the new awesome me. Okay,me?

- Okay.

masih berdrama

Kipas berpusing ligat,

Kucing mengiau minta dibelai,

Itu yang diinginkan, kan?

Tapi kadang ligatnya pusingan kipas itu sangat menyejukkan,

Belaian yang diminta itu membosankan,

"eh kucing, tak mau laaa manja manja jaa, main la main, mana kuku tajam tu mana? Cepatlah acah acah nak kejar kejar, cepatlah cakar tangan yang gosok ni..."

Diminta macam tu,

Dah dapat, merungut pulak,

Ceh.

Teruk.

Marah pada yang tak memahami, sudah la,

Berikan masa, seminit dua nanti, lupa la tu,

Tertanya adakah tak mengetahui,

Emm,

Diamkan, dan teruskan sebegini selamanya.

Tak pernah nak salahkan diri yang mengada ya,

Ceh.

Padan muka.

parents approval,always mattered.

"It had been a long time since he'd really connected with his dad. He was thirty-six year old. He kept telling himself his father's approval shouldn't mean much anymore, but that was a load of bunk. A parent's approval always mattered, regardless of age-"

Lisa Gardner, The Other Daughter (page 313)

Parent's approval,always matterred.