Dah pergi.

Pulang dengan kegembiraan,
Pulang bersama kenyataan.

Masih cuba berdiri,
Masih tercalar dek duri.

Masa telah pergi,
Si hati merah itu, dia makin berani.

Sorry, for a thousand times

Sampai bila harus diulang kata yang sama?
Kata maaf yang entah ke berapa kali,
Kata sesal atas apa yang telah terjadi.
Emosi apa lagi yang tersekat dihati?
Emosi sebenar yang mampu menoktahkan keadaan ini.

You told me you ain't a victim.
But what are you planning right now?
You just couldn't move on, you just couldn't let it all out, then you blame others

Such a prick. Get lost, you dramatic dummy.

the news got me thinking bad....

scrolling down the news, and my eyes stuck at the death of child.
then, the death of innocent girl, just because she's at the wrong place, at wrong time.

and suddenly i wonder how it'll be if that's me.
if i'm at the wrong place, wrong time.
(but no, there's no wrong with death. i really believe that we'll died, surely die when the time comes. not late, and never early).

but just a second, the news got me thinking of the "what if".
just what if .. i die, then no need to pay ptptn, no need to think about the world's problem, no more heartache, no more mindache, no more sadness for me, no more dunia.
and i'll be free from this dunia. be free from all of the problems. be free from sadness, tears, guilt...
and also free from every single happiness that i dont want to forget, from every smiles that i prayed hard for it to not go away.

and .. yeah.. this isnt the right way of thinking. the question of life and death, the problem of life and death shouldnt be solved in this way. killing yourself or asking for death is never the answer for every problems that we have to endure in this dunia.

this life, this soul is a gift. from The Merciful God, to us; the supposedly faithful servant.

Astaghfirullahal'azim, forgive me for sometimes thinking in this kinda **** way. islam is always a way of life. islam is the way of life. islam is the rule.

Whatever hardship we face in this dunia, face it properly. we've got AlQuran, we've got 'alim ulama', we've got endless guidance, hints from The Above. Livin in this dunia is easy if we follows the rule (AlQuran and AsSunnah..yeah,, i know).

By trying to stay away from the rule, making our own rule, thats what make this life getting harder. Don't solely depend on yourself, cause we've got Allah The Great, The Forgiveness, The One.

Pray sincerely, ask for guidance, work as best as you can, and enjoy the result.

Because ,

"For indeed, with hardship will be ease. Indeed, with hardship will be ease.
#Quran 94:5-6"

Sincerely,
the me who's just recently tired.

.

It's been a long day
It's been a long time

bye you.

A new resolution

"are you happy?"

when was the last time I received this question?
couldn't remember. or maybe never had.

a simple question, which brings a heavy sigh.

"are you mentally exhausted?"
"are you spiritually broken?"
"are you happy?"

a question normally ask by another person.
eh. no. it's not related to loneliness or what.
it's just... why can I ask that question to me?
the one who endure all bouncy path..
the one who struggle to stay inside this tiny comfy circle...
the one who feel it...

been playing victim for years, and now it's time to be a hero.

warm it please? no. okay.

There's this unsettle feeling
swarming inside, outside
but as she could recall
no waves had hit the beach, yet..
the cloud passing slowly, steadily
the flower, bloom shyly
it's normal
it's the usual everyday.

but then.. oh.. got it.
the 'joy' of cold-shoulder.
oh ho.

oh, why cant u warm it? just a bit. oh why.
but well, gotta respect your choice, your life.
gotta accept that.
okay.

A silly update.

She had admit to liking someone.
Remembering it back,, "eeeeeeeeeeeeeee", she squealed annoyingly.

And she's back to fluttering heart and kinda cute kind of jelly-leg for anime character.
Yey!

Just an update for a silly drama.

those fleeting moments

those fleeting moments, the one that touch my heart and move me, are the most important things to me.

but as important as they are, they are fickle and short-lived.

so, if i didn't convey to you, they would probably disappear forever.

that's why i always want to tell you of them.

and want you to know what is moving my heart right now.

(kokoro kimiiro sakurairo)

listen

You always call me full of regret
You want me to save you again

After all these years, the days go by
I’ve seen you fall a million times
Everybody makes mistakes

It feels so hard to watch you hurt
From that pain a lesson learned
This is how you find your way

You feel so lost I’ve been there too
Skies so dark no way through
Stories only scars can tell

I’ve got so much love for you my friend
Ride or die until the end
But only you can save yourself

You just have to listen, listen
I hope that you know
Listen, listen, I won’t let you go
I wish I could save you from the pain you’ve been through
And all I can tell you is the best thing to do
You gotta listen, listen to your heart

.......
Listen, listen, pick only one
Listen, listen, and let’s believe in it
There’s no such thing as an unending rain
And all I can tell you is the best thing to do

You gotta, listen, listen
.........
Listen, listen, to your heart
Listen, listen, to your heart

(OOR - Listen)

here for a reminder,
here for what we always try to do.
and yeah, let's try to listen.. properly and earnestly.

Take what you want

Take what you want
Take what you want and go

Come and gone, the perfect storm
On and on, never ending
Open doors, empty arms
Don't look back, no pretending

I don't want anything in our broken home
Not the memories or the things we own　
Not the picture of us on the wall
So take what you want
Can you hear me?

I'm trying to hear you
Silence strikes like a hurricane
Now I'm singing for you
You're screaming at me
It's hard to see your tears in the pouring rain

Take what you want
Take what you want and go
Take what you want
Take what you want and go
Just go now just go, go, go

Still remember a time when you felt like home
You and me up against the great unknown　
You were my life, now you're out of my life
Yeah I guess that's life

Can you hear me?
I'm trying to hear you
Silence strikes like a hurricane
I'm singing for you
You're screaming at me
It's hard to see your tears in the pouring rain

Take it
No reason for me to hold on
(Look in my eyes, I'm letting go)　
Keep it
Don't need it, don't need it, don't need it!　
Take what you want, take what you want and go

Can you hear me?
I'm trying to hear you
Silence strikes like a hurricane
Now I'm singing for you
You're screaming at me
It's hard to see your tears in the pouring rain

Take what you want, take what you want and go
Can you hear me?

(OOR-take what you want)

It sum up everything.

nanimonai

what am i searching for?
where am i looking at?
what am i waiting for?

hopefully the answer will be something worth asking for.

Shiranai

I demand an apology, from myself to me.

Tsukareta

I know i cant keep on repeating the same pitiful stage.

But it's like the air.

There's still no way to get through all that,, yet..

A deep sincere apology is needed.

But what's left after that?

Another anger?

Another depression?

Another blurry lines?

Another fake laugh?

The apology is no more.

They won't give in.

Time is running out.

Waiting is no more.

They know words are powerful, stronger, sharper than a blade.

They know, but that's there to it.

Apologize yourself.

Hug yourself.

You did great.

Enough with all those things.

You got thousands other problem to sort out.

Hitorijanai. Ganbaru.

strong heart

memory is poisonous.
it is venomous.

trying to leave it behind,
but sometimes, it came back crawling to succumb the heart, again and again.

no more swaying soul,
no more regret.

cause you are strong.

maaf.

maaf andai kata-kata bersalut bisa,
maaf andai perlakuan mengada dan tak guna,
maaf andai kejujuran bukan yang seperti dikata,

maaf yang tak bermakna,
tapi harapnya pelan-pelan boleh diterima.

si helaian tua

si helaian tua.
disimpan lama, diharap boleh memberi bahagia.
tapi, luka tersiat pula yang dirasa.
heh drama.

#penatLagi.

Si air mata sakit

Muka yang keresahan, tiada seri kelihatan.
Sakit yang dirasakan, sesekali datang menghunuskan peritnya.
Yang datang melawat, sekadar melihat.
Lihat pada badan yang lelah bertahan.
Dan yang melawat pun pulang.
Sakit masih disitu, tidak berganjak, tidak ikut pulang.

Muka yang kebingungan,
Nafas yang terganggu,
Oh,muka yang kelat menahan sakit,
Dan air matanya bergenangan.

Apa yang datang kepada diri, ada hikmahnya.
Sakit yang diberi, datangnya sebagai kafarah dosa.
Datangnya sakit sebagai ujian tahap keimanan.
Datangnya sakit sebagai jawapan untuk berbagai punca.

Sunyinya hidup bila sakit itu cuba dihadam seorang diri,
Dikemam dikunyah diri yg kekosongan.
Inginkan manusia sebagai peneman?
Bukan manusia yang kau inginkan.
Tapi Tuhan, Yang Maha Berkuasa, Yang Maha Mengetahui setiap sudut hati.

Air mata yang mengalir tanpa kepercayaan kepada Tuhan,,,, ruginya...
Air mata tadi,, semoga tersedar yang diri masih disayangi.
Semoga kembali pada Yang Mengetahui.

Conclusion.

It's been a long journey,
From nothing, to something.

But then, we are nothing alike.
You do this for that,
And I blaming that for those.

All this misinterpretation incidents,,
Sorry for that.

And bye,
A sincere farewell for today.

this could be the end

What we think wouldn't be the same with what other feel.

A take a step back because A happy,
     but B thought that A dislike the action done.
B trying hard to create opportunity for A,
     but A didn't see all that.
and A is thrilled
     while B surrendered from making heart contented with A.

End of story,
end of misunderstanding,
end of supposedly a happy ending story.

assumption.
i'm assuming.always.

squeeze into one word.

okay.